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so with all the shit i've been going through i've been thinking a lot… - don't let the bastards grind you down.
so with all the shit i've been going through i've been thinking a lot about relationships. what i did wrong in this one, how i can improve, and about relationships in general. ten minutes ago i came to a conclusion. the modern habit of having shitty relationships, and then either getting divorced or living a miserable life, stems from not having relationship rules.

back in the day (500 years ago or what?) most of western civilization was patriarchal. the men made the rules. albeit the rules skewed shitty (absolute power corrupts absolutely), and they were very degrading towards women.

but at least there was a moral center, and there was something to reference when trying to figure out if you're the one acting weird by calling the cops, or it is her because she's breaking stuff and locking you and your toddler daughter out of the house.

relationships need rules. they're supposed to be created on the fly, with input from both sides, and then stuck to. yeah....that hasn't worked in 100 years, why would it all of a sudden start? between the loss of a moral compass and the mass-consumerism that strangles everything and creates stress of limited resources needing to buy more and more shit, relationships in america don't have a prayer. it requires luck, and that's it.

where can we go from here? spending less time needing to buy shit (this one's on the women, for the most part) and more time RESPECTING THE OTHER PERSONS NEEDS seems to be about it. i say that because if the rule is "make the other person happy" then life is pretty easy, except where it infringes upon your own happiness...but if this rule is in effect, then the other person would be happy to compromise to make you happy. it's only when selfishness gets in the way (epitomized by the act of adultery) that relationships get sour.

as a christian i feel wholly worthless getting a divorce. i swore when i was younger that it would be one time and one time only...it may still turn out that way because i'm single the rest of my life, but hopefully not. i'm going to have to take solace in the fact that i did everything i could to save this marriage, but it is impossible to save when the other person responsible is incredibly selfish, immature, and too star-struck by mass commercialism.
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area_man From: area_man Date: June 4th, 2002 10:47 am (UTC) (Link)


I need time to think about this.
jessicamower From: jessicamower Date: June 6th, 2002 05:40 am (UTC) (Link)
i'll have to think about it too.
its too much for my brain so early in the morning.
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