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funny - don't let the bastards grind you down.

I, (State your name), swear to sign away 4 years of
my life to the UNITED STATES AIR FORCE because I know
I couldn't hack it in the Army, because the Marines
frighten me and I am afraid of water over waist deep.
I swear to sit behind a desk. I also swear not to do
any form of real exercise, but promise to defend our
bike-riding test as a valid form of exercise. I
promise to walk around calling everyone by their
first name because I find it amusing to annoy the
other services. I will have a better quality of life
than those around me and will, at all times, be sure
to make them aware of that fact. After completion of
"Basic Training" I will be a lean, mean, donut-eating,
lazy-boy sitting, civilian-wearing-blue-clothes,
Chair-borne Ranger. I will believe I am superior to
all others and will make an effort to clean the knife
before stabbing the next person in
the back. I will annoy those around me, and will go
home early every day.

So Help Me God!


I, Rambo, swear to sign away 4 years of my mediocre
life to the UNITED STATES ARMY because I couldn't
score high enough on the ASVAB to get into the Air
Force, I'm not tough enough for the Marines, and the
Navy won't take me because I can't swim. I will wear
camouflage every day and tuck my trousers into my
boots because I can't figure out how to use blousing
straps. I promise to wear my uniform 24 hours a day
even when I have a date. I will continue to tell
myself that I am a fierce killing machine because my
Drill Sergeant told me I am, despite the fact that
the only action I will see is a Court-Martial for
sexual harassment. I acknowledge the fact that I will
be an E-8 after one year of service and
maintain that it is because I scored perfect on my
PT test. After completion of my Sexual.....er....I
mean "Basic Training," I will attend a different
Army school every other month and return knowing less
than I did when I left. On my first trip home after
Boot Camp I will walk around like I am cool and
propose to my 9th grade sweetheart. I will make my
wife stay home because if I let her out she might
leave me for a better-looking Air Force guy.
Should she leave me twelve times I will continue to
take her back. While at work, I will maintain a look
of knowledge while getting absolutely nothing
accomplished. I will arrive to work every day at 1000
hrs because of morning PT and leave everyday at 1300
to report back to "COMPANY." I understand that I will
undergo no training whatsoever that will help me get
a job upon separation, and will end up working
construction with my friends from high school. I will
brag to everyone about the Army giving me $30,000 for
college, but will be unable to use it because I can't
pass a placement exam.

So Help Me God!



I, Top Gun, in lieu of going to prison, swear to sign
away 4 years of my life to the UNITED STATES NAVY,
because I want to hang out with Marines without
actually having to BE one of them, because I thought
the Air Force was too "corporate," because I didn't
want to actually live in dirt like the Army, and
because I thought, "Hey, I like to swim...why not?"
I promise to wear clothes that went out of style in
1976 and to have my name stenciled on the butt of
every pair of pants I own. I understand that I will
be mistaken for the Good Humor Man during summer and
for Nazi Waffen SS during the winter. I will strive
to use a different language than the rest of the
English speaking world, using words like "deck,
bulkhead, cover, geedunk, scuttlebutt, scuttle and
head," when I really mean "floor, wall, hat, candy,
water fountain, hole in wall and toilet." I will take
great pride in the fact that all Navy acronyms, rank,
and insignia, and everything else for that matter,
are completely different from the other services and
make absolutely no sense whatsoever. I will muster,
whatever that is, at 0700 every morning unless I am
buddy-buddy with the Chief, in which case I will show
up around 0930. I vow to hone my coffee cup handling
skills to the point that I can stand up in a kayak
being tossed around in a typhoon, and still not spill
a drop. I consent to being promoted and subsequently
busted at least twice per fiscal year. I realize
that, once selected for Chief, I am required to
submit myself to the sick, and quite possibly
illegal, whims of my newfound "colleagues."

So Help Me Neptune!



I, (have someone recite your name for you),
swear..uhhhh....high-and-tight.... grunt...
cammies.... ugh...Air Force women....OORAH!

So Help Me CORPS!



also, read this:

it's funny
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